Sponsor A Survivor - Why It's Necessary

TW - RAMCOA topics of torture, programming and extreme abuse

****This post is a companion piece to the web page on my website dedicated to seeking financial assistance for my collaborators. Please keep reading to find out how to collaborate with my work with adult survivors of trafficking and severe childhood abuse. This post is long but I don't want to make such a big ask without giving context and history.***

A Little Emergent Hippie History

I've been doing this work as a post traumatic growth coach for about 10 years now as a formally recognized coaching practice. I have always set out to work with those who need my particular skill set the most and have allowed the Universe to guide collaborators my way.

At first I worked with a few folks who had single incident trauma and maybe diagnosed with PTSD. This quickly moved into people whose childhood experiences were more textured with a groundwork of abuse, neglect,and attachment wounding - people who might be considered to have Complex PTSD if this were actually a diagnosable condition in the DSM-V (the US diagnostic manual for mental health disorders - the existence of which is a whole other THING).

**structural dissociation, parts, and fragmentation are controversial terms - I accept whatever terminology my collaborators are comfortable with

As I started learning more about my own experience and diving into education around dissociative trauma disorders, I realized I work even better with people who fall at the "pointy end" of the dissociative trauma spectrum - those whose inner experiences can be described as containing many - plural - self states who might be able to be diagnosed more with OSDD (Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder) or DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder - formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder). I will occasionally refer to these collaborators as "systems" or "plurals".

I do not diagnose or treat these issues - I am simply describing the types of collaborators the Universe has been sending my way. Although undiagnosed, I believe my own experience also falls within the experience of people with these diagnoses. Being part of lived experience practitioner groups and doing continuing education from the lived experience lens has deepened my understanding and knowledge and skill base even more.

As our government began to unravel over the Epstein files, I noticed how dysregulating this was to some systems in particular whose inner worlds started buzzing with the familiarity of it all. I began to diver deeper into what we call RAMCOA plural systems and how that might apply to my collaborators' experience.

What the Heck is RAMCOA?

RAMCOA stands for Ritual Abuse/Mind Control/Organized Abuse and is the type of abuse perpetrated in human trafficking systems. It often involves using torture techniques to intentionally create DID within a human child's mind and can start as early as in utero. There are no boundaries around the types of abuse perpetrated. If you can imagine it, they are doing it and then getting 1000x even more depraved beyond what any normal human could imagine.

Governments (including the US government) have been doing this for a very long time - it's not new to this current administration. Other organizations such as extreme religious cults, the KKK, Nazi, and similar white supremacist groups also use these torture techniques to create loyal and submissive parts within children's minds who will do the bidding of these evil organizations. There can be hundreds or even thousands of these "parts" within the minds of survivors of this type of abuse.

So here I am swimming way out past the deep end of the dissociative pool and straight into the ocean of dissociative experience. Collaborating with DID systems that have RAMCOA influences is a sensitive and tricky job. There is very little training available and minds containing these systems can contain a whole universe of parts within parts - many of which have been "programmed" to harm the body or return to the organization against the will (and often without the knowledge) of the system as a whole.

Training and Consulting are Crucial

Since there are not yet full courses to take to learn to help unravel the programming in RAMCOA systems and help all the people in these systems gain autonomy and agency, I regularly seek out expert consultation and devour any books, videos, and other resources I can find. This is time consuming and expensive and also absolutely vital. This is the first reason why helping my collaborators by sponsoring a survivor is so important.

It can feel silly to think others would want to support my little coaching practice like this and yet I also know that the knowledge and skill I have gained to help unravel the inner experiences of trafficked survivors is rare and valuable. The ability to help guide system communication and mapping can make a huge difference in a survivors experience. It matters so much to those survivors I collaborate with that I work so hard to learn about their systems and have the ability to sit with and hold space for all the horrors they have experienced, including the terrifying unknowns about that experience.

To be clear, I am not working with children. I am not part of any organization that rescues children or adults from these trafficking rings. I am simply sitting with adult survivors who have experienced these things in their childhood (and sometimes may still be experiencing them) and struggle to find their place in "normal" society. Some of my collaborators may still be experiencing abuse - or external contacts attempting to shut down their healing process. But for the most part, my collaborators have extricated themselves from the external abusers and are now living with the inner world created by their abusers to attempt to torture them inwardly for a lifetime.

These survivors have minds that have been wired by torture to self-sabotage. It is not unusual for my collaborators to experience inner torture - such as sensations of electric shocks, feelings of being strangled, intense horror of even the mention of snakes or bugs, or sexualized sensations - within our sessions. It can feel like a minefield within their own minds. And yet, these systems also contain unbridled creativity, resilience, a powerful will to survive and thrive, and emotional and intellectual intelligence. The work is so rewarding as I hold space while my collaborators go inside and navigate the minefield with brilliance - finding loopholes around the programming and "rescuing" the tortured children who live within their systems. The sigh of relief after work together like this is palpable and gives courage and resolve to continue on to the next inner child and the next and the next....

Mental Health Care is F*cked Up

Which leads us to the second important reason sponsorship of these survivors is so important. Many of these survivors are doing the best they can to keep their inner world from falling into chaos. Interacting with the outside world for even simple tasks like grocery shopping or going out with friends can feel painfully complicated. Others who have found balance between working, living and relationships also need support and care to maintain this level of connection. Finding outside supports is vital for living this connected life.

Many survivors cannot find the help they need with the healthcare resources they have. They often don't have the finances to pay out of pocket due to limitations on ability to work, and access to affordable basic needs.  Our mental health system retraumatizes them and our social and public support systems are ableist, ineffective by design, and systemically abusive. About half of my collaborators come from within this system - are themselves licensed therapists who recognize the shortcomings of finding support within the very system upon which their livelihood depends.  These systemic failures are true for all of my collaborators - not just the RAMCOA survivors.

When mainstream mental health resources fail them miserably, they often turn to alternative forms of care. My coaching practice has always attracted collaborators who have been abandoned or retraumatized by the healthcare system. Because I am not a licensed therapist and don't do the work of one, I cannot charge insurance companies and my collaborators pay out of pocket for our collaborations.

My collaborators have come from all over the world. Many in countries outside the US have similar systemic socio-economic challenges to those in the US. Human trafficking is a (very sick) international business model. Survivors can be found around the world.

In this current political climate where acts of trafficking make headlines around the world every day without reporting any consequences to abusers, life can feel particularly frightening and challenging to a survivor of trafficking and other extreme forms of abuse.

It's Tough to Make a Living at This

And the final reason to support survivors through my coaching practice - unfortunately, I have reached my limit in the number of pro and low bono collaborators I can take on and still pay my own bills.  I find myself in a frustrating position where I can have the time and resources to learn about and help survivors, or I can find other streams of income such as content creation or grant writing.  I cannot do both.

Would you consider helping with a financial gift that would help me help others so I never have to turn  down one more survivor seeking skilled and effective care?  

Here's How You Can Help Financially

On the Sponsor A Survivor page you will see three options for sponsorship:

• You can support a survivor for weekly sessions for as long as you are able at a cost of $500/month which is charged monthly until you decide to cancel your sponsorship.

• The next option is to make a one time sponsorship of $500 to sponsor a month of weekly sessions for a survivor. This is a non-recurring sponsorship.

  
  

• The final level of sponsorship is to sponsor a single $125 session with a collaborator or for me to consult with an expert. Most of the experts I consult with charge the same fee as my session fee - $125. You can purchase as many sessions as you like, as often as you like.

  
  

• If you'd like to contribute financially in other ways - please reach out to me at support@marykalbach.com! You could sponsor a monthly bill, pay transaction fees, offer me a resources/training budget, pay for consultation, or pay my annual zoom fee - the possibilities are endless and it all contributes to this important work!

If you are looking for a way to directly impact the healing path of adult survivors of severe childhood (and in some cases ongoing) abuse and trafficking, my collaborators and I would sure appreciate your financial support!

Non $ Ways to Help

There are some other ways time equity would help tremendously if you'd like to contribute to survivor healing and don't have financial resources. These are just a few ideas - I am open to your out of the box ideas as well!

• Editorial and technical assistance getting my stalled podcast project off the ground

  (CHATS - Courageous Humans and Their Stories where I interview survivors about their post traumatic growth work)

• Social media support - I can get those videos made but simple editing and posting often takes me hours longer than it should!

• Networking within your circles of influence - I would love to start a survivors in-person group if you're local but that can take time and energy to advertise and find a location partner

• Grant-writing - I know there are grants out there my small woman-owned business may qualify for but I need someone willing to find and apply for them

• Refer potential collaborators to me who are ready to do their post traumatic healing work and can afford to pay my full fee. I'm good at what I do at all levels of trauma work! Let's be honest, my full fee collaborators are keeping all my work afloat!

Whatever your contribution, from the deepest part of my heart, thank you. For real. 

What You Can (and Can't) Expect

Building trust with systems and all the members of their headspace is vital and can often take years to accomplish. This makes anonymity and privacy protection my number one priority in this work. Hopefully it makes sense that sponsorship of a collaborator's work can never entitle you to private information about my collaborators' identities and/or their specific work with me. 

On the flip side, all sponsorships will be anonymous as well. My collaborators won't know who you are either! They will know that a kind-hearted person wants them to receive the care they need to live their fullest life. Thank you for understanding how important this is for their safety and healing!

Sponsorship Bonus!

What you can expect is a chance to do your own healing work with me! For every four sessions you sponsor, you earn a free session for yourself. Do whatever you want with our time together! We can just have a friendly chat, you can gift your session to someone else, we can explore one of the many modalities I'm trained in, or I can even body double you online while you get some work done! The time is yours to use as you wish in return for your compassionate generosity!

Choose the level of support on the sponsorship page and let's start collaborating in this important work today!

A Note to My Amazing Collaborators

Hello! If you are one of my current collaborators reading this I want you to know that I will always honor our collaborations together with whatever terms we have mutually agreed upon. This is not dependent upon sponsorships.

Your privacy and safety is truly my highest priority. I will not share your story or compromise your identity without explicit consent from your system members. Nobody is entitled to breach your privacy and safety simply because they have more financial means than you. This sponsorship plan exists so that I don't have to say no when a survivor needs help but can't pay - through no fault of their own - for our sessions.

You are - and always will be - the center of my coaching practice.

Mary